Ed - I saw you and Mary blow past me on the Yellowhead yesterday (I was coming back from my Mom's house). I called Mary but her phone was off.


Paras - You rock, thank you!

a reminder. eats happenin' at 7:00.
call me if you need the address or whatever.

Oh yeah, back from Jasper. Had a great time with Mary's family. A belated Merry Christmas to all you folks.

In Toronto...



Meanwhile back in Edmonton...

Handgun sales on the rise

(I was going to post this awhile ago... but I figured most people are apathetic. Anyways, it seems more poignant now.)

thanks again to everyone that came out. it was pretty awesome to see all these different groups of friends i know converge at one place, especially with them often weirdly knowing one another from somewhere else. that was really cool.
anyways hope you all had fun. more radness next week

what is it about chuck norris? especially all of a sudden?

oh, and I'm rather excited, I just picked up Stitch n' Bitch Nation... more knitting fun for me!

stupid big red triangle... i am so exhausted. i'm tired of being fake-friendly to the hundreds of strangers who pass through every day... I get home, and I'm drained. All I want to do is sleep. oh, and watch bitter movies... high fidelity here I come!

1- Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.
2- When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
3- Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
4- Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
5- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
6- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
7- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
8- Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
9- Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
10- When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
11- To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
12- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
13- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
14- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
15- The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
16- Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
17- Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No fat Chicks.
18- A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
19- Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
20- Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
21- Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.
22- Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
23- After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
24- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
25- Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
26- Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
27- Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
28- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
29- Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
30- It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
31- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
32- Chuck Norris can survive fatalities on Mortal Kombat.
33- If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.
34- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
35- Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing
36- The first man on the moon was actually Chuck Norris. He did this in 1955. When those other two losers got up there, he roundhouse kicked them to Mars and took their space pod. But he didn't go home; he went to Venus to pick up sluts.
37- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
38- When asked, "Do you know the muffin man?" Chuck Norris replies, "The Muffin Man?" Then eats the face of whoever is asking.
39- Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."
40- Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
41- Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
42- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
43- Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
44- When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
45- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
46- Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
47- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
48- Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
49- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
50- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
51- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
52- There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
53- Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
54- Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
55- There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
56- Chuck Norris has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULL****!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Chuck ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
57- When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
58- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
59- When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
60- Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
61- Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
62- In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
63- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
64- You are what you eat. That is why Chuck Norris diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
65- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
66- Chuck Norris played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
67- The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked himself in the face.
68- Chuck Norris was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
69- On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
70- Chuck Norris defied MC Hammer and touched it.
71- Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

If you want more, there's a shit-load more to be found here.

Clark how can you tell if your car has a turbocharger attached to it?

yeah man. SUCKS. i know

More serious note... I was driving home from work today and in a car behind me and a car in front of me, a boyfriend was kissing his girlfriend. It makes a guy feel really depressed that he can't get a girlfriend.