sorry its long, and yet,
Somehow only 24% evil

George W. Bush
The White House, USA
Resumé
Past Work Experience
* I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
* I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
* I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; the company
went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
* I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took
land using taxpayer money.
* With my father's help and name, I was elected Governor of Texas.
Accomplishments as Governor
* I changed pollution laws in favor of the power and oil companies and made
Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
* I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in
America.
* I cut taxes and bankrupted Texas government to the tune of billions in
borrowed money.
* I set the record for the most executions by any Governor in American
history.
* I became U.S. President after losing the popular vote by over 500,000
votes with the help of major Enron money and my father's appointments to the
Supreme Court.
Accomplishments as President
* I attacked and overtook two countries.
* I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
* I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
* I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.
* I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S.
stock market.
* My record for environmental issues is the least of my concerns.
* I am the first president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal
record.
* I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one year
period.
* After taking-off the entire month of August, I then presided over the
worst security failure in U.S. history.
* I am supporting development of a "Tactical Bunker Buster" nuke, a WMD.
* I am getting our troops killed, under the lie of Sadam's procurement of
Yellow Cake Nuke WMD components, then blaming the lie on our British
friends.
* I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. president.
* In my first year in office over 2-million Americans lost their jobs and
that trend continues every month.
* I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
* I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any president
in U.S. history.
* I set the record for least amount of press conferences than any president
since the advent of television.
* I signed more laws and executive orders effectively amending or ignoring
the Constitution than any president in history.
* I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to
intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
* I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to
use national reserves as past presidents have done.
* I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty
benefits for active duty troops and their families - in war time.
* I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously
protest me in public venues (15 million people) shattering the record for
protest against any person in the history of mankind.
* I've dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S.
history.
* I've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in
U.S. history.
* I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in U.S. history.
* My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named
after her.
* I am the first president in U.S. history to have almost all 50 states of
the Union simultaneously suffer massive financial crisis.
* I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in
any country in history.
* I am the first president in U.S. history to order a pre-emptive attack and
the military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will
of the United Nations and the world community.
* I created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of
the United States.
* I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases,
more than any president in history.
* I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove
the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
* I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove
the U.S. from the Elections Monitoring Board.
* I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of
congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S.
history.
* I rendered the entire United Nations viewpoints irrelevant.
* I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
* I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war"
(detainees) and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
* I am the first president in history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
* I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations.
* My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
(Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation) presided over the largest
corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history. My political party used the
Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the
U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.
* I have spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in
U.S. history.
* I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center
attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most resented country
in the world, possibly the largest failure of diplomacy in World history.
* I am actively working on a policy of "disengagement" creating the most
hostile of Israel-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
* I am first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view
my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
* I am the first U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea
more threatened by the U.S. than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
* I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.
* I set an all-time record for the number of administration appointees who
violated U.S. law by not selling their huge personal investments in
corporations bidding for U.S. contracts.
* I failed to fulfill my pledge to capture Osama Bin Laden, dead or alive.
* I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of
our country at the U.S. Capitol Building. Even after 18 months I have no
leads and no credible suspects.
* In the past 18 months following the World Trade Center attack I have
successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security
failure in the history of the United States.
* I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any
president in U.S. history.
* In a little over two years, I created the most divided country in decades,
possibly the most divided since the Civil War.
* I entered my office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and have
turned every single economic category downward - all in less than two years.
Records and References
* I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine. My Texas
driving record has been erased and is not available.
* I was AWOL from the National Guard.
* I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
* All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed, and unavailable for public view.
* All records of SEC investigations into insider trading or bankrupt
companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
* All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.

*sigh*

I finally gave in to the technological demons out there and purchased a zip disk. What a monstrosity. $20 for 100mb of space. I mean, yay, I can carry pictures around on an eraseable format, mapping programs, and all my lovely powerpoint presentations, but half the computers on campus don't take them. You just gotta love the university. (but for some odd reason, I needed a zip disk)

Yes, I could've lived without it, but it was getting to be difficult, and now I just have to carry MORE technology around in my back pack. Let's see... I've got regular floppies, this zip disk and a CD-R all in my bag because i need them for school projects. And what am I in??? Agriculture, Forestry and Home Economics. What the fuck? What do all you more highly technologized faculties need to do your work? hmm... regular floppies, right, if anything? This is a mess!

Sooner or later we'll all just get to the point where we no longer talk to eachother in person, or share information. We'll all phone eachother up, like those stupid cell phone ads suggest, and pass diskettes and CDs instead of talking... or perhaps extend it to the "information superhighway" and just type out our messages to eachother on an ethereal posting board and rarely if ever come into physical contact with eachother... ;)

aarrrghhh!!!

How odd... no posts in over 24hrs.

Anyway, if anyone bothered to check out that Flash Dr. Who thing that Ed previously posted, the second episode is up. For anyone who didn't watch it maybe you should because it's not bad... it's on the up side of mediocrasism.
Catch the link!

I love winter! I just got home. I got on the bus just before 4:30. Even better, there comes a time when you're walking through fresh snow when you decide, "My shoes are already soaked. Let's hit the deepest snow banks out there." Then you decide that running is even more fun. Did I mention I love winter?!

Oh yes, and in answer to one of my own, now ancient, posts,

SOCCER FRIDAY!

Or, for those of you not already annoyed by the catchy HTML gimmicks,
SOCCER FRIDAY!
SOCCER FRIDAY!

Well, Alison, there was that one time...
(couldn't resist)

i don't think i've ever said beaver that many times at once before...

a beaver story for you all:

one of my classes had a Park Warden (who's doing her PhD on beavers) from Elk Island come in and she related this story to us... (about the ferocity etc. of beavers)

There was this really fat (I mean REALLY FAT) tourist out wildlife watching somewhere... (you can pick your favourite beaver-watching place in a park... and I mean the rodent) when she somehow came between a beaver and the water it wanted to get into. Well, she was much too interested in taking pictures and harassing the beaver that she wouldn't let it get by... where it walked to go around her, she walked to get in the way, you get the idea... Finally, the beaver got so pissed off that it walked(/waddled/whatever beavers do) up to her and bit her in the leg... and i mean BIT HER IN THE LEG. Head tilted sideways like it does with trees, and gnawed right in so that its teeth came out the other sides of this fat woman's leg. mmm mmm mmm! Gotta love beavers. With their help, we will rid the world of overly fat (I think she said like 350lbs) ignorant and rude tourists who most likely drive those massive tanks of SUVs and RVs through parks and put everyone else's lives at risk as a result of their actions... particularly the wildlife, but ours too.

another beaver thing of interest. Argentinians about 50 or 80 years ago introduced beavers to the very southern tip on some of their islands in the hopes that they might generate a fur industry (beavers are only native to the northern hemisphere). Instead, the beavers grew heavier greasy pelts to deal with the cold and wet and took over! They're now worried that the beavers will colonize the mainland and slowly invade northward until all of South America becomes decimated by beaver populations. And they say Canadians aren't ferocious...

and on a completely unrelated note, there will be no ice cream sandwiches for you, just for me, that is all.

Good news for all!
Family Guy may be coming back.

For more details

I missed 24 again last night... but that's ok, it was due to MarioKart --. Thankfully the internet came through once again and here it is.


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Last weeks episode... pretty good
and
This weeks episode... Uber good

I'll agree with those two about the new Mario Kart. Although when you first start, you think "Sure I know the old one, lets just go to 150 CC's"... yah, bad idea 'cause it does take some getting used to. And the two players on one car feature kicks ass. One player focus's on driving, while the second uses items and smacks around the other cars. Good stuff.